Lines To A Gentleman,

  lines to a gentleman,
  who had sent the poet a newspaper, and offered
  to continue it free of expense.
  kind sir, i've read your paper through,
  and faith, to me, 'twas really new!
  how guessed ye, sir, what maist i wanted?
  this mony a day i've grain'd and gaunted,
  to ken what french mischief was brewin;
  or what the drumlie dutch were doin;
  that vile doup-skelper, emperor joseph,
  if venus yet had got his nose off;
  or how the collieshangie works
  atween the russians and the turks,
  or if the swede, before he halt,
  would play anither charles the twalt;
  if denmark, any body spak o't;
  or poland, wha had now the tack o't:
  how cut-throat prussian blades were hingin;
  how libbet italy was singin;
  if spaniard, portuguese, or swiss,
  were sayin' or takin' aught amiss;
  or how our merry lads at hame,
  in britain's court kept up the game;
  how royal george, the lord leuk o'er him!
  was managing st. stephen's quorum;
  if sleekit chatham will was livin,
  or glaikit charlie got his nieve in;
  how daddie burke the plea was cookin,
  if warren hasting's neck was yeukin;
  how cesses, stents, and fees were rax'd.
  or if bare arses yet were tax'd;
  the news o' princes, dukes, and earls,
  pimps, sharpers, bawds, and opera-girls;
  if that daft buckie, geordie wales,
  was threshing still at hizzies' tails;
  or if he was grown oughtlins douser,
  and no a perfect kintra cooser:
  a' this and mair i never heard of;
  and, but for you, i might despair'd of.
  so, gratefu', back your news i send you,
  and pray a' gude things may attend you.
  ellisland, monday morning, 1790.